I guess it's over....

Have you ever ended something over something sooo stupid that later on in life, when you're more mature I guess, you look back and just nod your head at the stupid things you did back then?

Well I can tell my relationship with this girl I love is going to be one of those. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 5 years, with a few speed bumps in between. Like every couple, we've had our fights and we usually just resolved them and made up and live happily ever after till the next stupid fight.

Yet... this time I don't really feel like fixing anything. I guess because every time we do, the same things pop up again and it just gets worse and worse. She fights with me because I look at girls in magazines and have friends that are girls. Even if i have manners and open the door for some old lady at the mall, or say thank you, yes please,etc. If it's a girl that i'm doing this stuff to, she will get jealous. It doesn't even matter if this girl is her sister or some girl who works at the gas station who i know for a fact has a husband. It's normal to be polite or to look at the opposite sex (in a reasonable way the way i do) and have friends no matter what gender they are right? Well not to my ex it isn't. My eyes are for her and for her only, yet! she doesn't follow her own rules. Ok I stopped putting girls up as my phone wallpaper or on my computer, she's even deleted my secret porn folder on my computer before! yet she does the same stupid thing she made a whole big fight about. And don't even get me started on me having girl friends. If we're having the best time in the world! It won't matter if a girl I know comes up to me, gives me a hug, and says hi. Even when I introduce my girlfriend AS my girlfriend to said friend. Nope, that's it she's going to get pissed all day and not speak with me. The jealously thing I could live with before, but now... she lives in a new place where all these other stupid things are getting into her head.

Yup... ever since she moved over to Mexico, her friends and even just some nobodies who tell her stuff at the gym increase the insecurities she already had about her self. Like I've said before in other people's posts. My ex never really cared if I told her how beautiful and sexy she was. It never mattered to her is what she showed me. Only if people around her looking at her told her how beautiful she was would she be happy. The ONE guy that actually (supposably) matters to her really doesn't.

And all this started because she got some stupid injection to get stupid bigger lips. Your lips were perfect and you had to ruin it by making them fake and not natural. I don't care how much "PERFECT" they make you look, that's not the girl I fell in love with and it will never be the girl I want as a wife. Normally I wouldn't have gotten mad either, but when you had already agreed to not do any "enhancements" to ANY part of your body with the one you love, it just tends to tick you off. I didn't tell her that her lips were small and maybe if they were bigger she'd look like a model or more beautiful. Nope, that idea probably came from either her family or friends. I think she's perfect the way she is, that's the reason I fell for you in the first place stupid.

Gahhhhh, and what makes it worse is that the weeks before this event happened, all she could talk about was her plan to move away to a peaceful humble place just to be a humble little family. Not having to depend on designer clothing or pretty shoes or a badass car. Just living with what you need and being happy that you live as great as you do with no problems. All that stuff just went out the door when your appearance meant more then me.

To me it feels like a big let down. Like I was proud of my son for doing soo well with his career and finishing school making lots of money in whatever. Only to find out he got all this selling drugs and earning it the disgraceful way. That's what my stomach felt like the day she told me what she did.

So all week I didn't talk to her and today I decided I would go take some make up she had bought and some earrings she left at my house back to her house. I promised my cousins I'd take them to the movies, so on the way to her house I knocked on her door, no one answered so I left her stuff hanging from the door as the movie started in 15 mins. On the way back home before crossing the boarder, I decided to go pick up a game I had left at her house and she just put the game in a bag and left it on her car. I didn't even get to see her (even though I really didn't want to freakin fake lip girl) but that to me meant I really didn't mean anything anymore. At least I had the courage to even drive over to her house for her to do that to me.


I guess I'm at fault though. I tend to treat my girlfriends extra special and this last one just took it for granted. When a guy drives almost 40 minutes everyday just to be with you, please girls, let him know how much you appreciate the effort he puts in just to be with you. ALLLLLLLLL the little things as well. Going to where you want to go eat, getting some ice cream just because, just cuddling and watch dorky girl movies are things most guys won't do. I think even my sleep schedule has been messed up since I end up driving home at close to 5am when I went to go see her. I'd make sure she was tucked into bed giving her forehead a goodnight kiss before I left.


I know though.... some other girl will appreciate this a lot more then my last one did. So I'm not bitter and hate stupid insecure jealous girls or even generalize every girl as that. I'll keep on hoping that one day I'll get lucky and get a girl who will treat me as special as I do her. It's nice spoiling your significant other, it just sucks when they take it for granted.


Now I can't wait for school to start just so I can make some new friends and have people to mingle with during the day.


sorry it was a long post, just had to get it out there even though I HATE putting emo/depressing crap in my blog. These things are not the things I want to celebrate but at least I can get some input from you guys out there on things I could have done or shouldn't have done.